ARNOLD “THE TERMINATOR” SCHWARZENEGGER BEGINS RISKY NEW BUSINESS VENTURE

Martha's Vineyard, Massachusetts, USA

Jan 28, 2023

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Arnold Schwarzenegger, producer, entrepreneur, and former California governor, puts up entire fortune to sell used cars.

A master of the subtle sales technique, Arnold is shown here encouraging a customer to forget the senior citizen discount and sign the papers.

By OTTO VON EDSEL
Senior Car Analyst

“Arnie”, as he likes to be called, was gracious enough to take time out of his busy schedule to answer a few questions for WWGN:

Otto: can you tell us how your used car venture will be different from others in a very crowded field?

A.S: “Otto,” your name sounds like an auto car, but you are not an auto. You report on cars. That is crazy.

Otto: Yes, my name is Otto, and I report on cars. I wish I had a Euro for every time someone says that. But back to my question, how will your used car business differ?

A.S.: Other baby-men car dealers have a bouncy house for the kids. I will have a pump you up house! It will be filled with free weights and drills sergeants screaming for the encouragement. For every pound your childrens can bench press, I will add a mile to the car’s warranty. Instead of hot dogs, I will give away protein shakes and anabolic steroids. Everybody wins.

Otto: Besides the car lot swag, why should a buyer consider your used cars?

A.S.: We have an entirely new paradigm that will save the buyers tens of thousands of dollars compared to other dealers.

Otto: That’s an astonishing claim. How can you prove it?

A.S.: Yah, I am using my world-famous acting talent to make block-busting cable access TV ads. I tells the peoples I must be a crazy person to sell at such low prices. It’s a technique I invented that will probably win a Pulitzer Prize for me, along with my soon-to-be acting Oscar trophy.

In fact, I have taken out a full-page ad to tells it to the nice peoples.

WWGN