ARNOLD “THE TERMINATOR” SCHWARZENEGGER BEGINS RISKY NEW BUSINESS VENTURE

Martha's Vineyard, Massachusetts, USA

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Breaking News:

Arnold Schwarzenegger, producer, entrepreneur, and former California governor, puts up entire fortune to sell used cars.

A master of the subtle sales technique, Arnold is shown here encouraging a customer to forget the senior citizen discount and sign the papers.

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By OTTO VON EDSEL
Senior Car Analyst

“Arnie”, as he likes to be called, was gracious enough to take time out of his busy schedule to answer a few questions for WWGN:

Otto: can you tell us how your used car venture will be different from others in a very crowded field?

A.S: “Otto,” your name sounds like an auto car, but you are not an auto. You report on cars. That is crazy.

Otto: Yes, my name is Otto, and I report on cars. I wish I had a Euro for every time someone says that. But back to my question, how will your used car business differ?

A.S.: Other baby-men car dealers have a bouncy house for the kids. I will have a pump you up house! It will be filled with free weights and drills sergeants screaming for the encouragement. For every pound your childrens can bench press, I will add a mile to the car’s warranty. Instead of hot dogs, I will give away protein shakes and anabolic steroids. Everybody wins.

Otto: Besides the car lot swag, why should a buyer consider your used cars?

A.S.: We have an entirely new paradigm that will save the buyers tens of thousands of dollars compared to other dealers.

Otto: That’s an astonishing claim. How can you prove it?

A.S.: Yah, I am using my world-famous acting talent to make block-busting cable access TV ads. I tells the peoples I must be a crazy person to sell at such low prices. It’s a technique I invented that will probably win a Pulitzer Prize for me, along with my soon-to-be acting Oscar trophy.

In fact, I have taken out a full-page ad to tells it to the nice peoples.

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